jane-- i'll admit it took me a few viewings of this tryptic before i really understood the spaces and the "story". I had a hard time finding the character I was meant to be following throughout the day (and if you hadn't written the time stamps when you posted them, i wouldn't have known how much time had elapsed from image to image either way).
I think this needs a little more "story"... more "meat" to get your viewer engaged and to tell us why we should care about your character anyway. Maybe something more specific can happen to her during the day (a project is due and we see her carrying it on the train, presenting it in class and taking it back home, for example). I also think the time of day needs to be more clear--- so be sure to use color to indicate that, as well as outside v inside color. The image that is supposed to be Cohen Plaza read like INSIDE a building for me the first 3 or 4 times... Grass needs to look like GRASS and there should be tree shadows if not actual trees. the perspective is also a little weird, because the ground looks slanted and the kids in the front become more important than the character.
jane-- i'll admit it took me a few viewings of this tryptic before i really understood the spaces and the "story". I had a hard time finding the character I was meant to be following throughout the day (and if you hadn't written the time stamps when you posted them, i wouldn't have known how much time had elapsed from image to image either way).
ReplyDeleteI think this needs a little more "story"... more "meat" to get your viewer engaged and to tell us why we should care about your character anyway. Maybe something more specific can happen to her during the day (a project is due and we see her carrying it on the train, presenting it in class and taking it back home, for example). I also think the time of day needs to be more clear--- so be sure to use color to indicate that, as well as outside v inside color. The image that is supposed to be Cohen Plaza read like INSIDE a building for me the first 3 or 4 times... Grass needs to look like GRASS and there should be tree shadows if not actual trees. the perspective is also a little weird, because the ground looks slanted and the kids in the front become more important than the character.
Just some things to consider...