The tryptic is the story of Isobel, a song by Bjork. The first piece is Isobel being born from a flame in the middle of a forest and her seeing that the pebbles beneath her feet are tiny skyscrapers. The middle is when she is an adult and the skyscrapers and humans have taken over the whole forest. She sends out trained moths to sing in humans ears while they sleep to remind then to stop thinking with their heads and start thinking with their hearts. The end image, which won't upload for some reason, is a large tree shaped like a human figure growing over top of the buildings, which is supposed to represent her influence on the humans without ever really fitting in with them.
I have a lot of concerns with this and feedback would be greatly appreciated.
I just realized that the images are lined up the wrong way. the bottom one is the begining image. sorry about that.
ReplyDeleteYour sketches are very light and rough so its hard to see exactly what your doing, but the story is very interesting. right now the images look very muddy.
ReplyDeletefrom what i can tell, the first panel is the forest has a great perspective going on. I like how it stares up at the night sky through the canopy. Honestly its gonna be hard for people to understand your story w/o being Bjork fans or knowing the song at least but i think you should just go all the way and make this tryptich with that audience in mind. It has a certain whimsical quality to it and i think you couldpush it. Like in the first panel have an owl sitting on a branch with glowing eyes or some big toadstoll mushrooms. make this place look totally surreal.
ReplyDeletei think the pieces are beautiful. Where is the middle panel?
ReplyDeletethe top one is the middle panel and the bottom one is the first. they uploaded wrong and the last one won't upload period, but i tried to describe it. My apologies for the bad quality of these photos
ReplyDeletewell from what i can tell you are off to a good start it seems, your images are strong and they look like they could work individually as well as separately, but it's to hard for me to tell if the pieces work as a narrative. with a panel missing, and bad photo quality.
ReplyDeleteI think the rendering could have gone further than what you've done, and I think that the sketches could be a bit more polished. I really wish I could see the last piece, because I can't tell what the narrative is from just two. I like the bottom panel (which you said is the first panel, I believe). It has a nice feeling of space to it.
ReplyDeletelove the story, but it is extremely hard to tell what's going on in these photos. changing the contrast slightly in photoshop could have helped us to see the images better.
ReplyDeleteJust in case this helps, heres the song lyrics.
ReplyDeleteIn a forest pitch dark
Glowed the tiniest spark
It burst into flame
Like me
Like me
My name Isobel
Married to myself
My love Isobel
Living by herself
In a heart full of dust
Lives a creature called lust
It surprises and scares
Like me
Like me
My name Isobel
Married to myself
My love Isobel
Living by herself
When she does it she means to
Moth delivers her message
Unexplained on your collar
Crawling in silence
A simple excuse
nana na nana
nana na nana
In a tower of steel
Nature forges a deal
To raise wonderful hell
Like me
Like me
My name Isobel
Married to myself
My love Isobel
Living by herself
When she does it she means to
Mothe delivers her message
Unexplained on your collar
Crawling in silence
A simple excuse
nana na nana
nana na nana
nana na nana
nana na nana
I like the bottom panel but i'm super confused about the top one, its really light and loose so that might have something to do with it. the composition on the first one though is fantastic.
ReplyDeleteI think the first image with Isobel and the tiny skyscrapers really works. The composition of the character and the scenery was well thought out. I get a sense of size in that picture. Do you plan to render the head?
ReplyDeleteI guess I have a hard time telling what the story is without having this tidbit of information. Having the other image would help out immensely. But if you find yourself stuck, try to ask yourself what is the big theme in the song... and try to reinforce that in every panel.
I'm actually not sure what to do with the head because i don't want it too look like a particular person. the first version had a chubby babies head but it didn't work with the body and looked like a chibi anime character. any ideas on how to render that?
ReplyDeleteEPIC!
ReplyDeleteOnce I blew it all up, it's making much more sense. The outlines are looking good, i sound like a broken record but could use a bit more in the way of value.
I'm thinking you have a bit too much going on. See how far you can break the story down. See how much you can take out and still have it make sense. You don't have to include everything, only what you think you need. Wishing I could see that last panel but I'm clearly not the upload king.
Do you know what kind of size your thinking cause I believe that would help you greatly if it was nailed down.
Props on the Bjork.
I wish I could see this in person, because right now I'm having a hard time really piecing together what's going on. There are definitely some nice moments going on such as the forest and such, but right now i feel i'm viewing everything as individual parts instead of as a whole, though I'm not sure if this is due to the photos or the work. I'm curious though, how are you planning on doing the finished peice?
ReplyDeleteyou are doing a great job of creating a world for us to beleave in, i think each one will be a nice piece of art. we need a last one though and i kno all this probably took you a long time but keep going with that and give us some shading and closure with things. i am exciting to see the final
ReplyDeleteI know everyone else has already said it, but it's really difficult to see it. Outside of that, I like the composition of the first image, the depth of the environment and the way each element relates to each other is interesting.
ReplyDeleteRight now I have a hard time figuring out the narrative without the help of the text. Maybe I would understand it more with the final image, I'm not sure. I can't really see what's going on in the top picture, but this is more of the lightness of the lines than necessarily what is on the page.
I don't know what to tell you. I can't tell what's going on.
ReplyDeleteI really admire that you are one of the few people that are not only doing a very simple narrative. The story that you have chose really sounds awesome and i'm excited for the finished product, because from what i can see of your compositions, they look very full and rhythmic.
ReplyDeleteThe problem is however, i cannot see your images all that well, and without the last image it is really a hard series to begin reading. In the future i suggest either being prepared to make better scans of your artwork or really driving your gray scale throughout the image.
I don't know how to critique your compositions because i don't want you to lose the fullness of them, but i really cannot see the minute details.
I am excited to see the final or a more rendered representation of the work.