Very clear and funny narrative. It was easy to follow and well executed. I was a little thrown off at first because the girl in the first triptych looks a lot younger than the later two.
so maybe work on keeping your characters look consistent. I also think your sketch could have been a bit more polished and finished, but the narrative still read fine in this rough sketch, so thats a sign of a good narrative
definitely a good narrative and a clear, concise representation, i just wish the sketches were more fleshed out. the first image seems to have a lot of white space at the top. maybe you could add some track lights, that show spotlights on the mannequins? that could add some dramatic lighting.
I'm a little confused as to how the story gets from panel one to panel two. I'm getting the sense that the girl is younger in the first one, wishing she could buy the shoes, and then it's a little unclear when it goes to the next panel, because I don't know if she still wants the shoes after all those years, or if she was the same age in the first one as she is in the second. The character's face seems to change from one panel to the other, so I would also try and make the character's face consistent throughout the series. Also, I kind of wish that there was more shading.
Other than that I think the second one is your strongest piece in the triptych, and her anatomy is really well drawn, especially for that pose, it looks like a hard pose to conquer!
Well, the sketches are a little washed out but I think the narrative you have is conveyed well, I just am confused at whether in the first picture, is she young? But if she were young and then later went to get the clothes, they wouldn't be the same clothes since styles change. That is the only part to the narrative that I am a bit confused by at this point. I agree with the point Emma raised, lighting could be really interesting here.
I'm not sure how I feel about the pole being dead center in the second frame, running all the way down. It creates a bit of a divide that doesn't lend itself the the story as far as I can tell, maybe if the pole stopped a little farther up? Also the anatomy in the last frame seems less considered, the hand holding the purse is a little bit awkward, maybe reference someone?
I love the contrast of how innocent and naive the first panel is compared to the second. it's fun to read into.
all three panels are the same girl, right? make sure your character is consistent. I don't mean that her look can't change, just make sure you can still tell it's the same girl (maybe she could have one very distinctive feature that's visible in each panel). she looks like one of the olsen twins in the last panel.
Funny narrative. A bit more light and dark would help clarify things.
Maybe it's just me but I'm not totally understanding the last panel. She wants the shoes as a little girl, then she becomes a stripper, then ?? is she living the high life with all her booty money or decided she is going back to school with all that dough? I'm not sure.
my first look i thought the first pannel that was her doughter wanting something and thats why she was dancing to buy it for her, putting the stripper behind the little girl if that is what it is would make it really clear and maybe a better narrative than her just wanting something in a store window. but i do like the different narrative as well as your transition from close to far to medium, consider making the dancer even more at a distance
definitely an interesting tryptich. unless you meant to do this, the people in the middle panel look like children. also, im confused by the last panel, is she still a stripper and passing by the clothes store she saw when she was a child. If she still is a stripper, put her whole body in the frame and have her wearing big ass stillettos or some fashion statement so we know her job status is still currently a stripper. I agree with alex that is hilarious that from panel 1 to 2 it dramatically goes from little cute girl to ho for show.
haha ok so i think i have this right. (B) The girl wants new clothes, so (M) she gets a job stripping to earn money, (E) and then buys the clothes?
well I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to be taking this in a negative or positive light, because the faces barely allude to either. I'm guessing positive? If so this is pretty funny and the really simplistic narrative has completely won in communicating its story.
The problem with these, is just that there is nothing there. I am amused by the simplistic story, but i have no reason to stick around and really look at the artwork because there is just nothing to look at. If you can make it visually interesting in the final that will be great, but i suggest in the future to add more elements to your sketch, because it seems easier to subtract successfully in the final than to add.
Yeah, this is kinda hilarious in a weird way. I wasn't sure if it was the same girl or some mother/daughter thing going on but it works either way for me. I'm glad this wasn't drawn too seriously.
I would change the first panel though. For me, there's too much empty space above the girls head. Of course that may change in the color version, but I would fill it in with something. Also change the audience in the joint. They look way too young as someone else has stated.
I agree with a lot of what is being said. It's funny and to the point, though I reaaally wish there was more consideration to value and even in cases composition. I think you could really push and exaggerate the stripper character to make it funnier.
I'm having the same sort of issue with the whole childhood to adult thing in mine. I haven't really figured it out in mine but perhaps you could give her some sort of distinct feature such as a peice of jewelry or a beauty mark or maybe even some sort of hair quirk. (Though I wouldn't make that my first choice because hair doesn't really stay consistent through growing up, mine sure didn't at least.)
I also think you could benefit from getting some good reference or some friends as models for this, i think it would really help you make things more dynamic.
The story is fun though, you're off to a good start!
these look super rushed, more like a rough sketch than a final. The dancers face and hair could use some rendering. also the relationship between her face and mouth confuse me.
i was kind of confused by the narative, im not really sure whats going on here. the characters all look like different girls. i think your compositions are interesting and fun.i think adding some value would help the clarity of your overall piece.
Lauren Straughn
Very clear and funny narrative. It was easy to follow and well executed.
ReplyDeleteI was a little thrown off at first because the girl in the first triptych looks a lot younger than the later two.
so maybe work on keeping your characters look consistent. I also think your sketch could have been a bit more polished and finished, but the narrative still read fine in this rough sketch, so thats a sign of a good narrative
definitely a good narrative and a clear, concise representation, i just wish the sketches were more fleshed out. the first image seems to have a lot of white space at the top. maybe you could add some track lights, that show spotlights on the mannequins? that could add some dramatic lighting.
ReplyDeleteI'm a little confused as to how the story gets from panel one to panel two. I'm getting the sense that the girl is younger in the first one, wishing she could buy the shoes, and then it's a little unclear when it goes to the next panel, because I don't know if she still wants the shoes after all those years, or if she was the same age in the first one as she is in the second. The character's face seems to change from one panel to the other, so I would also try and make the character's face consistent throughout the series. Also, I kind of wish that there was more shading.
ReplyDeleteOther than that I think the second one is your strongest piece in the triptych, and her anatomy is really well drawn, especially for that pose, it looks like a hard pose to conquer!
Well, the sketches are a little washed out but I think the narrative you have is conveyed well, I just am confused at whether in the first picture, is she young? But if she were young and then later went to get the clothes, they wouldn't be the same clothes since styles change. That is the only part to the narrative that I am a bit confused by at this point. I agree with the point Emma raised, lighting could be really interesting here.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure how I feel about the pole being dead center in the second frame, running all the way down. It creates a bit of a divide that doesn't lend itself the the story as far as I can tell, maybe if the pole stopped a little farther up? Also the anatomy in the last frame seems less considered, the hand holding the purse is a little bit awkward, maybe reference someone?
I love the contrast of how innocent and naive the first panel is compared to the second. it's fun to read into.
ReplyDeleteall three panels are the same girl, right? make sure your character is consistent. I don't mean that her look can't change, just make sure you can still tell it's the same girl (maybe she could have one very distinctive feature that's visible in each panel). she looks like one of the olsen twins in the last panel.
Funny narrative. A bit more light and dark would help clarify things.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's just me but I'm not totally understanding the last panel. She wants the shoes as a little girl, then she becomes a stripper, then ?? is she living the high life with all her booty money or decided she is going back to school with all that dough? I'm not sure.
i think the story is a little hard to follow. some further shading and rendering could possibly make it more readable.
ReplyDeletemy first look i thought the first pannel that was her doughter wanting something and thats why she was dancing to buy it for her, putting the stripper behind the little girl if that is what it is would make it really clear and maybe a better narrative than her just wanting something in a store window. but i do like the different narrative as well as your transition from close to far to medium, consider making the dancer even more at a distance
ReplyDeletedefinitely an interesting tryptich. unless you meant to do this, the people in the middle panel look like children. also, im confused by the last panel, is she still a stripper and passing by the clothes store she saw when she was a child. If she still is a stripper, put her whole body in the frame and have her wearing big ass stillettos or some fashion statement so we know her job status is still currently a stripper. I agree with alex that is hilarious that from panel 1 to 2 it dramatically goes from little cute girl to ho for show.
ReplyDeletehaha ok so i think i have this right. (B) The girl wants new clothes, so (M) she gets a job stripping to earn money, (E) and then buys the clothes?
ReplyDeletewell I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to be taking this in a negative or positive light, because the faces barely allude to either. I'm guessing positive? If so this is pretty funny and the really simplistic narrative has completely won in communicating its story.
The problem with these, is just that there is nothing there. I am amused by the simplistic story, but i have no reason to stick around and really look at the artwork because there is just nothing to look at. If you can make it visually interesting in the final that will be great, but i suggest in the future to add more elements to your sketch, because it seems easier to subtract successfully in the final than to add.
Yeah, this is kinda hilarious in a weird way. I wasn't sure if it was the same girl or some mother/daughter thing going on but it works either way for me. I'm glad this wasn't drawn too seriously.
ReplyDeleteI would change the first panel though. For me, there's too much empty space above the girls head. Of course that may change in the color version, but I would fill it in with something. Also change the audience in the joint. They look way too young as someone else has stated.
I agree with a lot of what is being said. It's funny and to the point, though I reaaally wish there was more consideration to value and even in cases composition. I think you could really push and exaggerate the stripper character to make it funnier.
ReplyDeleteI'm having the same sort of issue with the whole childhood to adult thing in mine. I haven't really figured it out in mine but perhaps you could give her some sort of distinct feature such as a peice of jewelry or a beauty mark or maybe even some sort of hair quirk. (Though I wouldn't make that my first choice because hair doesn't really stay consistent through growing up, mine sure didn't at least.)
I also think you could benefit from getting some good reference or some friends as models for this, i think it would really help you make things more dynamic.
The story is fun though, you're off to a good start!
these look super rushed, more like a rough sketch than a final. The dancers face and hair could use some rendering. also the relationship between her face and mouth confuse me.
ReplyDeletei was kind of confused by the narative, im not really sure whats going on here. the characters all look like different girls. i think your compositions are interesting and fun.i think adding some value would help the clarity of your overall piece.
ReplyDelete